To be a better person

There comes a point when you realize that sometimes, relationships aren't necessarily about connecting.  Sometimes, there is no eye to eye, spirit to spirit, mind to mind melding of souls.  Often, relationships down here do not resemble anything like what they were meant to be.  Sometimes, the other person is more screwed up than you are and all you can do is try to look at them through the eyes of God, instead of through your own eyes, because your own eyes are blinded by pain.

But then, if you let go, and let God in, He provides the exceptional strength to deal with sadness and longing, regret and disappointment.  This is my cross to bear, and while it is just as heavy as before, I am stronger now, and better able to support the weight.

Life isn't always about being happy.  Life is about becoming a better person.  Life is about rising to the challenges thrown at us, pulling out our battle gear and fighting the demons that plague us.  Life is about letting the difficult things mold us into the person we were meant to be.  Life is about hoping when there is no reason left to hope.  Life is about choosing to be happy when there is no reason left to be happy.

Juana - the queen of metaphor

On the road of life, there are Ups and Downs and every once in awhile, a sudden intersection. I haven't hit one of those in awhile. The last time I hit one, I think I took the wrong road. I was in the Highlands for awhile, but then I hit gullies. A lot of them. My road has gone through quicksand and badlands. Found some fossils there. Which way should I have gone? Where are the mountains? I just want to soar like the eagles and be free for awhile.

From the road I am on I sometimes glimpse those peaks, but the road does not take me there. It bends and twists, and sometimes I think I am coming back to gullies I have visited before. I am so tired of the prairies. With all this open space you would think I'd be free as the antelope, but I am a prisoner of the road. I am the river obliged to flow always in the same bed.

There are days when the sun shines bright, and things seem better, except for the dust this creates on the road. Sometimes when other people go past, I can't see anything for awhile because of all the dust they've kicked up.

There are days when thunderstorms come. I am wet and miserable, but at least the dust is gone. It's turned to mud, and it cakes my shoes.

I want to know, when will there be an intersection in the road again? Will I have another chance to change direction? Which way should I go? Which way will take me to the mountains? Will the road I am on eventually get there at all?

I wonder...

Aquaman is sick, and I sit on the beach on my island and listen to the surf and I wonder how much longer does he have and will we have that last dance?

The Gypsy Queen has appeared again and we shall be dining together, and perhaps dancing afterwards? I do appreciate the Gypsy Queen, she knows how to listen, she doesn't judge or tell you what to do, or how you should or should not feel, she just listens. Everyone needs a Gypsy Queen in their life.

Sometimes, I wonder, how did I get here from there? I think I took a wrong turn somewhere. I went west when I should have gone south. For awhile there were hills to climb, but then I hit the prairies and there have only been prairies since. But who is to say that the southern road would have been better?

I sit here on my island and I wonder...

Ups and Downs

There are ups and downs in life, but why does it feel like there are never any ups in mine? I am either at sea level or down in a valley,... (mind you, normally, I like valleys) but there are no mountains in my life. I feel like scaling a mountain. I want to dance in an alpine meadow, I want to feel the wind blowing hard on my face and discover the tiny stunted flowers...

It is like being out on the prairies, on level ground for long periods of time with occasional dips into canyons that have been eaten out of the sedimentary rock over time by rivers. My life seems to be one long level period with occasional dips into canyons. When do I get to the mountains? I am tired of the prairies. There are no trees here...

Well, at least sea-level is better than the canyon... Maybe I should quit walking through life and hop on a train somewhere, and close my eyes only to wake up when I reach the mountains... Sounds like a plan.